Sunday, September 4, 2011

Thank you...

There are times in our lives when we are so close that we can taste it... Whatever "it" is. We can feel success, or love, or the start of a new journey. And it seems just out of our grasp. We get caught up in some struggle to get what we want.


I don't know. Perhaps because we are impatiently pacing around looking over our shoulder at what we thought we 'wanted'.

Even though something WAY better is on the horizon -- the glory of the sunset or the beauty of the path in front of us.

How do we shift our focus and stop looking in the 'wrong' direction? First and foremost - we have to recognize what we're doing.

We have to stop what we're doing and re-focus on what is really truly important to us.

Friends, family, laughter, love. And we have to spend time appreciating all the wonderful things that we do have in our lives. Warmth, light, the ability to communicate. Smiles that reach our eyes. Pictures of fractals, sweet poetry, a soft warm dog, food in the freezer. Butterflies. Laughing children. Clean water, coffee.

Music, and the ears to hear it with. Imagination. And friends to love. Knowing that there is enough in this world that is glorious, and we only have to really look at it and spend time appreciating it's presence in our life.

And so, my friends, tonight, allow me to say - thank you for being here. Thank you for listening and for reading. Thank you for loving and laughing. Thank you for being part of my life. For you are well and truly loved.

Thank you - Just Thank You.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

I was Busy Living

I have had the most incredible journey in the last two years. And I dreamed it all into being.

I have published my first book. (It was published and then pulled because it was full of proofreading errors.) I have written my second novel. And discovered why my 1st didn't sell (I write a whole lot better now - so back to the editing room for Forest of Mists). I have the most incredible illustrated children's book that I will see published, in September I think.

I have met strangers that I turned into best friends. I have discovered the joy of having a squirmy puppy sleeping with me, that turned into a squirmy huge dog with the biggest feet I've ever seen. And is still fun to sleep with.

I have traveled extensively. I've had the pleasure of staying in one place long enough to really fall in love with it. I discovered that as much as I like the maid service of a hotel - having access to a kitchen of "my own," and a coffee pot has made everything easier. And I fell in love with the awesome public transit systems that they have in Europe.

I have moved beyond the housewife I used to be - into a woman who hobnobs with the "big dogs." And I surprised myself - by enjoying it. And I realize that although I love traveling 1st class, I also love riding the bus and finding a small hotel where the carpet is worn, but the service is better than any 5 star hotel I've ever been in (the Hotel am-Lerchenberg-Mainz Germany in case you wanted to know).

I have experienced the chill of the English Channel. And the excitement of really putting the peddle to the metal on the Autobahn. I loved the glory of getting there in 1/2 the time and am now experiencing the pleasure involved in being able to enjoy the scenery. I discovered the glory of German farmers' markets. The glory of the flowers is a memory I shall cherish.

I've wandered one of the smaller Canadian forests, and seen the reddest sunset over Lake Ontario. I have learned how to take really good photos of both.

I have experienced customs/immigration officers who were curious about me and my life of travel, and those who wanted me to be curious about theirs.

I loved it that my imagination took random events - such as 3 identical cars, teenagers zipping through traffic on their motorcycles, and a do-dad thrown out the window and created an exciting mystery about them - a cozy thriller full of a Robin Hood type theft, high speed chases and time travel. And as soon as I finish editing the novel I'm on - I'll write that story down.

I have discovered that I can still learn new things. And that it's both easier and harder than it was 30 years ago. But that it definitely means more. I have finally found something that brings many of my quirky hobbies into one place, using the knowledge I have, and building on it.

I have discovered the blessings of having more than one best friend. And seen my children for the bright, charming young people that they are. I have learned that you can have a fight with someone you love, and that even though it feels bad to fight you fix whatever needs fixing. And through it all you can still love and be loved.

I have seen one 'dream' of mine after another come to life. All while I wasn't even watching, I was busy living.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Dance. Just Dance

Years ago I foolishly came to believe that making a mistake (and admitting it) made me ... less than.

I don't remember when that belief came to be. Probably in my teens. By the time I got to college and somehow I had to be 'perfect'. Which really... is impossible. But I tried. Oh I tried.

I think this is why I never had an opportunity to dance with anyone else and have spent my life dancing by myself. What I realized last night as a new friend came into my life was that I'm terrified of making mistakes in someone's arms.

Last night I figured out that I have to let go of my need to control, and let go my knowledge of rhythm and music. Because the woman must surrender to whatever rhythm her partner is feeling and transmitting, even if it is different from the music she hears. Otherwise you're just two people awkwardly shuffling your feet.

There are places, times, and tasks where I can, and do, lead. But the dance floor isn't one of them.

I don't want to be 'taught' how to dance with a partner. Because that keeps the understanding up 'in my head,' not allowing it to embed itself into the fibers of my being.

When the opportunity presents itself I will ask you to dance with me. Not to teach me. Just to dance with me. To accept that in the beginning our movements may not be an intricate woven series of steps.

And so, I ask forgiveness in advance for stepping on your toes, bumping heads, or just plain clumsiness, as I release my need for control and learn to Listen.


Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Dreams Come a Size Too Big....

Dreams are an interesting thing. And I've learned a whole lot in the last two years about them. Stuff the rest of you probably learned at your parents' knees. But I didn't. My folks didn't have dreams that they ever talked about. They just put one foot in front of another - getting through each day.

As you actually work toward your dream - sometimes - it's really hard work - pushing you WAY past your comfort zone. Way out of laziness, way into the place where you start to think "I don't really want this after all..."

But the reality is... you and your dream are perfectly suited for each other - otherwise you wouldn't have had THAT dream. The only problem... you haven't grown into the person who can actually make it happen.

Ask any toddler - growing is an achy process. Things stretch, you get clumsy, sleep is disturbed, and sometimes you can't do anything but cry (ok that's me...)

But when you finally get past the learning and to the doing of your dream... you look back and say "WOW - I did it. What next?"

Is this good? Is it bad? I don't know. I like doing things. AND I like just hanging out - living, breathing, enjoying. AND I like the two things to balance.

Does that affect my dreams? YES.

I'm learning to dream about time and space to just BE. And in the process I'm learning how to receive. Sometimes easier said than done. But it's part of the process of becoming who I want to BE.

I know that I'm going to laugh, cry, dance, hug, learn, struggle, surrender, play, work, live and love throughout the process. Because life is not so much about getting to the degree, finished project, or through some hardship... it is about being aware and awake while I'm living - as I go through it.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

May You Dance in the Rainbow

My marriage never reached its potential because – we took that road into the future with no real understanding of what it took to actually make marriage work.

And so whever I offer someone congratulations on their engagement -- I am driven by my meddling personality to offer advice. Here’s the latest:

Dance in the Rainbow…

Allow me to explain – A rainbow consists of 7 colors – the ROY G BIV of our high school science classes. If each color represents a different aspect of love… here’s a different way to look at it… You CAN have any of these ‘colors’ separate from each other. You can have them in combination. But to get the full rainbow – you have to include ALL of them.

RED -- Spending time with each other.
ORANGE -- Being best friends.
YELLOW -- Loving someone.
GREEN -- Being IN love.
BLUE -- Hugs & Kisses.
INDIGO -- the physical expression of your love for each other – making love.
VIOLET –- that’s the spiritual aspect of the two of you coming together.

In a rainbow no single color overshadows any other. It's a balance. Oh and just in case you didn't know it’s a whole lot easier to work from the red down to the violet. [This is known as an upside down rainbow.]

Have I ever experienced the full rainbow? Nope. But I firmly believe that it is possible to dance in the rainbow with my Beloved – whoever he is.

And so I’m learning to dance by myself – learning to love who I am right now. Letting go of the stuff that doesn’t serve me any longer. Creating a future that will keep my nimble mind entertained for a while - a future that I can grow into.

So if you are recently engaged – congratulations. I hope you get to dance in the rainbow with YOUR beloved.

*** Hugs ***