Lesson learned over a Christmas Ornament

 Today, as I worked, a guest came to me asking where he could find a Lenox Christmas Ornament. You know the kind - they're made by the Lenox China Company. 

I gave him a suggestion and then said "If they don't have it, unfortunately you're going to have to go to the mall. To Nordstroms or Dillards [who both have fine china departments.]" 

Normally this is not a big deal... 

But at 2 days before Christmas - it is a very big deal. Parking is at a premium... babies are screaming. Mom's are grumpy. Husbands are frantically choosing last minute gifts. Cashiers and staff are overwhelmed. And in general shopping this time of year is... well - not MY favorite activity. 

 His response - "No problem. She's worth it." And his face held a soft smile that reached his alert eyes. I could feel the love from my side of the desk. 

 And I realized that this delightful man meant it. It meant that he would do what it took to find a gift that would be extra special for the woman he loves. 

 A friend has been trying to teach me this for the last year. That when you love someone - you put extra effort into giving them gifts that will mean something to THEM. And if it means that you have to get a little uncomfortable - that's what it means. 

 I've always done it for my family and my friends, but have never had anyone do it for me. 

And I vicariously got a taste of how it would feel to have someone do that for me. Something I'm trying to allow into my life. 

I thanked him for the lesson. 

And then he looked at me and said - "You're worth it too."

 I quietly said thank you. And have cried on and off all day. 

Because this is the very first time it has registered with me that -- I am worth it.

You Will See, When You Believe

 We've all used the phrase I'll believe it when I see it... about something that seemed impossible... The problem is - this phrase is actually backwards from how the world actually works. The phrase should be - I'll see it, WHEN I believe it. 

 Do I understand believing the worst in someone? Absolutely. 

For example, I spent years believing that my ex was uncaring. Everything he did or said seemed to support that belief. But when I finally took a mature look at his behavior, I saw a guy trying to move through life, occasionally thoughtless but basically a good guy. What made the difference? My belief in his jerkiness versus his innocence. 

 I have recently been accused by a woman I barely know of trying to poison the mind of my best friend. I admit it, I meddled. In my bumbling/meddlesome way, I was trying to explain to her how to build a mature relationship. She didn't hear me. She only heard that I was not supportive of her immature behaviors. 

And since my friend chose to sever relations with her, she came to the conclusion that I am evil, poisoning the very air with my lies. She sees what she wants to believe. And so every word that comes from my mouth supports that very 'ill-will'. Because it supports her belief that her behaviors had nothing to do with how things turned out. 

 I have for the most part let it all go. I know that this woman is still learning. 

Still caught up in her own story, which allows her to remain a victim and keeps her from learning how to be an adult in an adult relationship. 

 She will learn and grow, or she will end up old and bitter, blaming everyone else for her plight. 

I hope she grows. I shall continue to believe in the inherent good of others, because then I behave in such a way that they rise to the occasion. 

Maybe it is naïve, but I don’t care. I prefer naïveté to bitterness and pessimism. 

 I see what I believe. And I believe that at heart people are loving souls. 

 I believe - and so I see.