Kivi and the Lizard People - by Gayle McCain, Author

What do I love?  What do I believe I am good at?

 Making a difference in lives…


Answering a zillion questions when you came to my office, school, store… helping you find what you needed, interpret the results you got, understand the market. My income was never dependent upon whether you attended my school, or bought the latest widget from us. My information was my gift to you. And 9 times out of 10 – you’d come back to wherever I was working to buy something, or use our service.   I understood the market. I understood what it took to get to what your dreams were.

I left the workforce to stay home and raise my two children.  I understand their tender hearts… what makes them feel loved, abandoned, angry, cherished. Those things don’t change even when your eldest has been admitted to graduate school and your youngest is old enough to drive. They all want to feel cherished.

As parents we would all rather spend quality time with our children.  I especially liked reading to mine... because I love it. I loved snuggle time, even when I was reading to someone else’s kids. (I miss that now that my kids are older.)  Over the years I tried not to use the TV to babysit my kids for hours… Because children are HUNGRY for attention. When I was raising my youngsters, neighbor children came to MY house to play, and get the attention they craved from a caring adult. But honestly –by mid-afternoon we all were worn out… And then since none of the kids took naps, everyone had some downtime while a video played in the background. Until we could go again.

I wasn't a perfect parent, by any means.  I struggled with my son's independent nature, and his temper.  I wrote Kivi and the Lizard People because sometimes in frustration – I got angry at him. I had to learn how to respond to his anger in a kind loving manner. And it took me a while to learn what worked, and what didn’t. What words set him off, and what soothed.  I'm still learning.

Psychologists know a lot more about ANGER now than they did when my kids were little. But most of it is still in ADULT speak. Meaning if you’re an overwhelmed mom you may not have the time or patience to focus on the big words. Here it is in a nutshell.

• Be as loving as you can.
• During a melt down – your child’s or yours… stop, close your mouth, and breathe.  Don't speak words you will end up regretting later.
• Read simple things for yourself.
• If you are struggling with emotional issues - ask for help.  Do what it takes to heal your wounds, so you can be a better parent.  No one can do it for you.  And even though it is work, hard work, it is worth it.


Kivi and the Lizard People gives parents simple words to talk with their children about where anger comes from, and how to shift away from it.    If you would like to buy a copy - it is available on iPad and iPhone - see the link on the right.

I want to Make a difference…  I hope someday that books like Kivi and the Lizard People will become obsolete. So that the human race NEVER needs these kinds of books again.



EVER.


Gayle McCain
***Hugs***

Thank you...

 There are times in our lives when we are so close that we can taste it... Whatever "it" is. We can feel success, or love, or the start of a new journey. And it seems just out of our grasp. We get caught up in some struggle to get what we want. Why? I don't know. Perhaps because we are impatiently pacing around looking over our shoulder at what we thought we 'wanted'. Even though something WAY better is on the horizon -- the glory of the sunset or the beauty of the path in front of us. 

How do we shift our focus and stop looking in the 'wrong' direction? First and foremost - we have to recognize what we're doing. We have to stop what we're doing and re-focus on what is really truly important to us. Friends, family, laughter, love. 

And we have to spend time appreciating all the wonderful things that we do have in our lives. 

Warmth, light, the ability to communicate. Smiles that reach our eyes. Pictures of fractals, sweet poetry, a soft warm dog, food in the freezer. Butterflies. Laughing children. Clean water, coffee. Music, and the ears to hear it with. Imagination. And friends to love. 

Knowing that there is enough in this world that is glorious, and we only have to really look at it and spend time appreciating it's presence in our life. And so, my friends, tonight, allow me to say - thank you for being here. Thank you for listening and for reading. Thank you for loving and laughing. 

Thank you for being part of my life. For you are well and truly loved. 

Thank you - Just Thank You.

I was Busy Living

I have had the most incredible journey in the last two years. And I dreamed it all into being.

I have published my first book. (It was published and then pulled because it was full of proofreading errors.) I have written my second novel. And discovered why my 1st didn't sell (I write a whole lot better now - so back to the editing room for Forest of Mists). I have the most incredible illustrated children's book that I will see published, in September I think.

I have met strangers that I turned into best friends. I have discovered the joy of having a squirmy puppy sleeping with me, that turned into a squirmy huge dog with the biggest feet I've ever seen. And is still fun to sleep with.

I have traveled extensively. I've had the pleasure of staying in one place long enough to really fall in love with it. I discovered that as much as I like the maid service of a hotel - having access to a kitchen of "my own," and a coffee pot has made everything easier. And I fell in love with the awesome public transit systems that they have in Europe.

I have moved beyond the housewife I used to be - into a woman who hobnobs with the "big dogs." And I surprised myself - by enjoying it. And I realize that although I love traveling 1st class, I also love riding the bus and finding a small hotel where the carpet is worn, but the service is better than any 5 star hotel I've ever been in (the Hotel am-Lerchenberg-Mainz Germany in case you wanted to know).

I have experienced the chill of the English Channel. And the excitement of really putting the peddle to the metal on the Autobahn. I loved the glory of getting there in 1/2 the time and am now experiencing the pleasure involved in being able to enjoy the scenery. I discovered the glory of German farmers' markets. The glory of the flowers is a memory I shall cherish.

I've wandered one of the smaller Canadian forests, and seen the reddest sunset over Lake Ontario. I have learned how to take really good photos of both.

I have experienced customs/immigration officers who were curious about me and my life of travel, and those who wanted me to be curious about theirs.

I loved it that my imagination took random events - such as 3 identical cars, teenagers zipping through traffic on their motorcycles, and a do-dad thrown out the window and created an exciting mystery about them - a cozy thriller full of a Robin Hood type theft, high speed chases and time travel. And as soon as I finish editing the novel I'm on - I'll write that story down.

I have discovered that I can still learn new things. And that it's both easier and harder than it was 30 years ago. But that it definitely means more. I have finally found something that brings many of my quirky hobbies into one place, using the knowledge I have, and building on it.

I have discovered the blessings of having more than one best friend. And seen my children for the bright, charming young people that they are. I have learned that you can have a fight with someone you love, and that even though it feels bad to fight you fix whatever needs fixing. And through it all you can still love and be loved.

I have seen one 'dream' of mine after another come to life. All while I wasn't even watching, I was busy living.

May You Dance in the Rainbow

My marriage never reached its potential because – we took that road into the future with no real understanding of what it took to actually make marriage work. 

And so whenever I offer someone congratulations on their engagement -- I am driven by my meddling personality to offer advice. Here’s the latest: Dance in the Rainbow… 

Allow me to explain – A rainbow consists of 7 colors – the ROY G BIV of our high school science classes. If each color represents a different aspect of love… here’s a different way to look at it… You CAN have any of these ‘colors’ separate from each other. You can have them in combination. But to get the full rainbow – you have to include ALL of them. 

RED -- Spending time with each other. 

ORANGE -- Being best friends. 

YELLOW -- Loving someone. 

GREEN -- Being IN love. 

BLUE -- Hugs & Kisses.

 INDIGO -- the physical expression of your love for each other – making love. 

VIOLET –- that’s the spiritual aspect of the two of you coming together. 

 In a rainbow no single color overshadows any other. It's a balance. Oh and just in case you didn't know it’s a whole lot easier to work from the red down to the violet. [This is known as an upside down rainbow.] 

 Have I ever experienced the full rainbow? Nope. But I firmly believe that it is possible to dance in the rainbow with my Beloved – whoever he is. 

And so I’m learning to dance by myself – learning to love who I am right now. Letting go of the stuff that doesn’t serve me any longer. Creating a future that will keep my nimble mind entertained for a while - a future that I can grow into. So if you are recently engaged – congratulations. 

I hope you get to dance in the rainbow with YOUR beloved. 

*** Hugs *** 

Gayle

Lesson learned over a Christmas Ornament

 Today, as I worked, a guest came to me asking where he could find a Lenox Christmas Ornament. You know the kind - they're made by the Lenox China Company. 

I gave him a suggestion and then said "If they don't have it, unfortunately you're going to have to go to the mall. To Nordstroms or Dillards [who both have fine china departments.]" 

Normally this is not a big deal... 

But at 2 days before Christmas - it is a very big deal. Parking is at a premium... babies are screaming. Mom's are grumpy. Husbands are frantically choosing last minute gifts. Cashiers and staff are overwhelmed. And in general shopping this time of year is... well - not MY favorite activity. 

 His response - "No problem. She's worth it." And his face held a soft smile that reached his alert eyes. I could feel the love from my side of the desk. 

 And I realized that this delightful man meant it. It meant that he would do what it took to find a gift that would be extra special for the woman he loves. 

 A friend has been trying to teach me this for the last year. That when you love someone - you put extra effort into giving them gifts that will mean something to THEM. And if it means that you have to get a little uncomfortable - that's what it means. 

 I've always done it for my family and my friends, but have never had anyone do it for me. 

And I vicariously got a taste of how it would feel to have someone do that for me. Something I'm trying to allow into my life. 

I thanked him for the lesson. 

And then he looked at me and said - "You're worth it too."

 I quietly said thank you. And have cried on and off all day. 

Because this is the very first time it has registered with me that -- I am worth it.

A complete work of Fantasy

A year ago something changed profoundly in me. I was writing a story in which I was supposed to develop the love relationship between two characters. When telling a friend about this - he said "Ah, so it's a complete work of Fantasy." And I realized that he was exactly right. I knew nothing about the kind of love that occurs between real people.

Not knowing what else to do (being in the midst of a divorce and all), I called 2 of my closest friends and asked them to talk to me - for the sake of my book - about what made their partnerships great. Both of them agreed. And these wonderful women opened their marriages in all their glory.

One woman had been married for more than 30 years when her husband died two years ago of cancer. The other has been married for 8 years to a man who still seems like Prince Charming. I spent hours and hours with these two women understanding the good and the bad of their relationships. But mostly talking about what made them work. The younger woman's husband called while we were talking, and he spent a long time on the phone with me. The older woman told me later that our conversation was tremendously healing for her, because it helped her remember all of the wonderful things about her late husband, easing her grief.

These wonderful friends bravely answered the sometimes uncomfortable questions honestly, helping me to understand where my marriage had gone wrong. And hopefully helping me to see what I could change about my expectations and behaviors when I begin a new relationship.

The most important thing I learned:

Respect - meaning I respect you enough to allow you to be yourself, to have your own interests, and needs. And you respect me enough to do the same.

Respect - meaning we love each other enough to really want to spend time together, sometimes doing your stuff, sometimes mine, and as often as possible - ours.

Respect - meaning welove and trust each other enough to spend time separately doing our own things.

Respect - meaning when we have a disagreement - if you feel stronger about an issue than I do - we do it your way. And vice versa. But that cannot happen if there's no respect.

There were more things that I learned during those conversations. But that one stuck in my mind, because I think that's the one that contributed most heavily to the downfall of my own marriage.

Ah but again - I digress. This started out talking about my Fantasy book, and there it shall end - or is it a beginning? I am still working on the story line. I do not yet know where the tale will take me, and apparently it is not yet time. So I shall patiently write bits and pieces of my characters - knowing that in the end they will get together, or they won't. But when it is written it will be a story of multi-dimensions, instead of cardboard cartoon characters.

So dear friends, I thank you for your honesty. And caring.

In Joy
Gayle McCain