I am a leader

I went to a retreat this weekend, and discovered things about myself. I am a surprisingly good leader. Why is that so surprising to me?

I've spent my whole life living small. I have never really wanted to be the 'president' of any organization that I have been in.

I've always thought of myself as a follower. Following other people, making them look good. I didn't want the leadership role. Mostly because it means that the 'buck stops here.'

But in truth, I have always taken on a large amount of responsibility for whatever group I'm in. I have always led. I just didn't know it. And the buck has always stopped here. Because if I don't accept responsibility - who will? Usually nobody.

I'm the one people come to when they don't know where else to turn. Because I will get it done, and if the project needs more than one pair of hands, I know how to get people to work together to "git 'er done."

It's time for me to accept the title of Leader (especially since I've nearly always accepted the responsibility that goes with it.)

We shall see how my life will change with this shift in perception. Wish me luck.

In Joy
Gayle McCain

Someone who shares my dream.

Today I am going to tell you about a movie. The Movie was released to theaters sometime around 1983. It broke my heart, and started a dream. At the time I'd been married 3 years and I could not write. At all. Bright, articulate vocally, but NOT IN PRINT. And then I saw this movie.

AMERICAN DREAMER
A 'perfect' housewife enters a writing contest, completing the final chapter of her favorite author's latest Rebecca Ryan romance novel. She wins a trip for 2 to Paris. Her husband, a man who doesn't have a romantic bone in his body coldly tells her he simply cannot take the time off, and so she cannot go to Paris. She goes anyway. By herself, gets mugged and develops amnesia.

We follow our heroine through her adventures - she thinks she's the main character in her book, meets and falls in love with the author of these novels (our hero). Eventually she comes out of her amnesia, only to discover that she's married to .... ick. Realizing that her marriage sucks, she leaves him, ends up with the author, and the adventures continue.

The ending of the movie is my favorite part.

The scene is a wood paneled room, with cozy chairs, a fire in the fireplace. Our heroine has married the hero and her two sons now live with them. She is reading to the boys before bedtime. Reading the latest adventures of the Rebecca Ryan, in the adventures that our two lovers just shared. The novel that they wrote together.



Here's where my life's dream started.

I realized that in 1983, I saw that ending, and fell in love with the idea of a life with a loving husband who is also my writing partner. Apparently I wanted it bad enough to learn to write.

So now, I simply need to finalize my divorce from a man with very very different dreams. And write enough to attract someone who shares my dream too.

In Joy
gayle


by the way - it's a great movie.

A complete work of Fantasy

A year ago something changed profoundly in me. I was writing a story in which I was supposed to develop the love relationship between two characters. When telling a friend about this - he said "Ah, so it's a complete work of Fantasy." And I realized that he was exactly right. I knew nothing about the kind of love that occurs between real people.

Not knowing what else to do (being in the midst of a divorce and all), I called 2 of my closest friends and asked them to talk to me - for the sake of my book - about what made their partnerships great. Both of them agreed. And these wonderful women opened their marriages in all their glory.

One woman had been married for more than 30 years when her husband died two years ago of cancer. The other has been married for 8 years to a man who still seems like Prince Charming. I spent hours and hours with these two women understanding the good and the bad of their relationships. But mostly talking about what made them work. The younger woman's husband called while we were talking, and he spent a long time on the phone with me. The older woman told me later that our conversation was tremendously healing for her, because it helped her remember all of the wonderful things about her late husband, easing her grief.

These wonderful friends bravely answered the sometimes uncomfortable questions honestly, helping me to understand where my marriage had gone wrong. And hopefully helping me to see what I could change about my expectations and behaviors when I begin a new relationship.

The most important thing I learned:

Respect - meaning I respect you enough to allow you to be yourself, to have your own interests, and needs. And you respect me enough to do the same.

Respect - meaning we love each other enough to really want to spend time together, sometimes doing your stuff, sometimes mine, and as often as possible - ours.

Respect - meaning welove and trust each other enough to spend time separately doing our own things.

Respect - meaning when we have a disagreement - if you feel stronger about an issue than I do - we do it your way. And vice versa. But that cannot happen if there's no respect.

There were more things that I learned during those conversations. But that one stuck in my mind, because I think that's the one that contributed most heavily to the downfall of my own marriage.

Ah but again - I digress. This started out talking about my Fantasy book, and there it shall end - or is it a beginning? I am still working on the story line. I do not yet know where the tale will take me, and apparently it is not yet time. So I shall patiently write bits and pieces of my characters - knowing that in the end they will get together, or they won't. But when it is written it will be a story of multi-dimensions, instead of cardboard cartoon characters.

So dear friends, I thank you for your honesty. And caring.

In Joy
Gayle McCain

Leaders and Followers

Today I was in a meeting. It was a meeting designed to figure out where we wanted our organization to go. When we sat down, I thought I didn't have anything to say. I like where we're headed. I'm satisfied. And don't see any real problems.

That kind of vision isn't my strong suit, and I didn't think that I had anything to say.

What I discovered is that although I don't see the vision the way others do, I do see logistical issues. The kind that shows that if we move this furniture to over there - the traffic will flow much better. Or if we change this procedure, the confusion will go down, and the work will be easier.

As I sit here I am reminded of a speech given by my friend about Leadership and Followership. And that it takes both to make an organization run smoothly. By opening up and suggesting these changes I became a good follower. And that is a necessary part of any organization.

I may never have the kind of vision to be president of our organization, but my voice and my ideas are critical to its success.

I wanna learn from my mistakes

I came across this a couple of weeks ago and wanted to share it with you. It speaks to my heart. It is on the blog of Laurie Knight - she is a Singer with a passion for helping children heal. These are great song lyrics :) Song #1 on "Call it a Feeling" Laurie's Debut Album. The song was written by Larry Wayne Clark/ Cathy Anne McClintock. 

"When making your choices everyday..... Think of these lyrics :)

" I wanna learn from my mistakes I wanna give back what I take I wanna be there for my friends I wanna always make amends I wanna live like that I wanna laugh right out loud I wanna make my mama proud I wanna have the strength to cry I wanna always wonder why I wanna live like that I wanna love that way I don't wanna be afraid Open Up my heart Cherish Everyday With every breath I take I wanna live that way I wanna be heard when I pray I wanna slow dance in the rain I wanna love and be loved back Lose my way without a map I wanna live like that I wanna love that way I don't wanna be afraid Open Up my heart Cherish Everyday With every breath I take I wanna live that way I wanna walk where things grow wild I wanna see my baby smile I wanna grow old gracefully gather shells beside the sea I wanna live like that!! 

 If you want more information - please go to Laurie Knight's blog http://organizesimplifyenjoy.blogspot.com/ enjoy being in Joy Gayle

Admitting the TRUTH - Specialization is for insects.

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog,* conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." Robert Heinlein  

*[let me just say -Butcher a hog - ick]

I read that in my early adulthood, and loved it. It spoke directly to my heart. 

But in spite of the KNOWING that I was a generalist, for years I've been trying to fit my round self into a square idea of who I should be. It hasn't worked.  

Everyone, and I do mean everyone-including me, has told me to specialize. 

Grrrrr . 

Specializing, I was told, is the only way to get a job (the square hole) and thus an income. 

 In other words, sell myself out to fit into an employer's idea of what I should be. This may be possible for others to do without feeling like a mummy wrapped in the gauze of "shoulds'" and "aught to's". 

 But every time I tried, my heart would end up feeling squeezed, my blood pressure would rise, and I'd end up with an ulcer. And to top it off I'd feel I was being choked. Surely there must be a better way. I've always been a Jack-of-All-Trades and been proud to be so. 

And so when a friend recommended that I start a blog, because well - it's time - she suggested that I specialize. The Easy specialty: parenting. Before she could start the next sentence, I could feel my heart squeezing. The image in my mind was a mule puling back on it's reins as hard as she was pulling forward. (And I'm the mule.) However, because I believe that her idea of creating a blog is a good one, it is my job to figure out what that means for ME. 

 And so after much thought, many deletions, cutting and pasting here we are: This blog will be a travelogue of how I came to be me, how I look at the world, and accepting that this will work and work well if as I talk to myself I can be faithful to my journey. 

And hopefully as you read my words,you will know that your happiness is only there when You, my reader, are FAITHFUL TO YOUR JOURNEY. 

 

Gayle